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Mike Szarka
10-19-2004, 12:16 PM
There's a thread on the pipe band forum about the challenges of playing in a "serious" band while still dealing with life in general.

We've only had one or two comments from women, but I suspect that if there were more, they would take the whining of us guys about lack of time and just laugh at it.

Do most of you still think that you "pick up the slack" in your home/domestic lives even though you have such a demanding hobby? Is this a source of conflict?

Mike

poweruser007
10-19-2004, 12:36 PM
Demanding Hobby?

I know folks that race boats and cars every weekend for a hobby, spend tens of thousands on their machines and just as much on Hotels, entry fees, insurance and not to mention the time they spend getting to these races and the countless weekends spent practicing on the track.

People in pipe bands spend maybe $1500.00 on their instrument that will last them a lifetime.
In most cases their uniform is supplied and expenses are supplimented. The get together for a couple hours on a Thursday night and maybe attend 5 or 6 competions during the year

I wouldn't call that demanding!

Lets face it, if you can't have a hobby in life and a bit of enjoyment, then what else is there?

Mike Szarka
10-19-2004, 01:37 PM
Originally posted by poweruser007:
The get together for a couple hours on a Thursday night and maybe attend 5 or 6 competions during the yearSure, that's about all that is required of a competitive piper/drummer. :rolleyes:

Mike

Moon Mouse
10-19-2004, 02:00 PM
I think there are a couple of reasons you may have only gotten a few responses from women. First, there are fewer women pipers in general, so it just as there are fewer women in the very high end solo ranks, it makes sense that there are fewer women in high level competative bands, and thus fewer people to comment via personal experience.

Second, women are subject to more social pressure to focus on the home. Taking time for oneself comes at a higher price, in social criticism. So, women may not be as willing to commit the time in the first place, but if they do, they are more likely to praise their family for the support, rather than complain. Even if they don't get much practical support from home.

Finally, women are, generally, much more holistic in their view of life, and much more used to juggling simultaneous priorities. So, they may see this as just a reality of adult life than as something additional they face for choosing to play in a band.

Love2Drum
10-19-2004, 03:07 PM
The get together for a couple hours on a Thursday night and maybe attend 5 or 6 competions during the year

I wouldn't call that demanding!
Maybe your band only practices for a couple of hours on Thursdays, but not ours. :humm:

We may only be a grade 4 trying hard to get into 3, but we have a demanding practice schedule. We practice 2-4 times a week, minimum of three hours each time. Our weekend practices are roughly 6-8 hours long with a small lunch break. That's just our upper band. We also have our beginner band and their practice shedule.

Do most of you still think that you "pick up the slack" in your home/domestic lives even though you have such a demanding hobby? Is this a source of conflict?
I know I still pick up the slack at home. Hubby is the PM of the band plus a crazy work schedule, so he's just as busy. It normally falls to me to do the typical "womens" work at home. Cooking, cleaning, etc, I usually do it.

Sometimes it creates stress, but not so much because I feel like its my duty to do it (although sometimes it feels that way), but because it has to be done. Bottom line is that I am almost always the one home first, so naturally I'll be the one cooking dinner before practice starts. If the roles are reversed, he's home cooking.

One of my fantasies? Coming home to find him in the kitchen working, a clean house and dinner on the table for me :D .

Carol
10-19-2004, 09:22 PM
Maybe I find it easier to juggle because my kids have all flown the nest. Yes, I do all the domestic goddess things in addition to working AND being PM AND Band Manager AND Secretary Treasurer. It's a passion and like anything worthwhile, takes lots of energy.

At 55, I'm just happy to get up every morning able to move and think and make music. :wow: And if I came home to a clean house and my husband cooking dinner for me I'd wonder where his girlfriend skipped off to :mad:

Tommy P.
10-19-2004, 09:26 PM
Originally posted by Love2Drum:


One of my fantasies? Coming home to find him in the kitchen working, a clean house and dinner on the table for me :D . Love2Drum, I wish you and my lovely wife could get together for some conversation over a few drinks,....

It's not a "fantasy" for her, she expects it!
:D

piper61308
10-19-2004, 10:06 PM
ok i feel like complaning about stuff so here it goes.

7:00 AM - arive at school for jazz band practice
8:40 AM - school starts
2:20 PM - school ends
3:30 PM - volleyball starts
6:00 PM - volleyball ends
? PM - finish homework (aint highschool great?)

Then monday after volleyball i have lessons, tuesday a game, wednesday youth group, and thursday another game. I can hardly wait till volleyball is over. i guess its not as bad as working, practicing, and "house stuff" but its still fun to complain sometimes. :lol:

Love2Drum
10-20-2004, 07:57 AM
Originally posted by Tommy Phillips:
Love2Drum, I wish you and my lovely wife could get together for some conversation over a few drinks,....

It's not a "fantasy" for her, she expects it!
:D HaHa! With 70-80 hour work weeks for the hubby, I can't expect it, but that's ok :).

Love2Drum
10-20-2004, 08:00 AM
Originally posted by piper61308:
i guess its not as bad as working, practicing, and "house stuff" but its still fun to complain sometimes. :lol: Don't worry. When you're in school, it seems like being out and having a job would be better than having to slog away at homework and go to class. Then when you get out of school and into the work force, you wish to be back at school!!

Enjoy school while you're there :)

annecooke
10-20-2004, 08:24 AM
Lots of interesting input... I work part time,shift work,have two children still at home, a husband who works full time, 80+ year old parents who need some help as well as my piping hobby, the secretary band job and volunteer work. How do you manage it without conflict? :smokin: Everyone has to compromise. I would love to be able to committ to a competition level band but it won't be this year and maybe not next one either :shrug: . I hire out the house cleaning, don't watch TV and make full (frantic) use of my free time. I am not home three or four evenings a week between work, lesson and band. Is there conflict in my home?, you bet, but everyones needs must be met and this includes mine and compromise goes a long way. :thumb:

So, band two hours a week, chanter practise one hour a day and on the pipes for an hour at least twice a week besides band. Sometimes I don't fit it all in, sometimes my family feels short changed, sometimes I do. I think that is all part of family life. I am old enough to know that the superwoman thing is not healthy in the long run for anyone or any family. I go to band camp for a week every summer with no member of my family and it's a great break for all of us.

just keep swimming... :68dance:

Anne

lonewlf4
10-20-2004, 09:22 AM
I think regardless of gender that it comes down to making choices you can live with. It's only taken me fourty plus years, but I've finally learned to say "No"! I work full time running my own small business; my husband works full time and does the cooking (thank heaven!); our two daughters are in another pipe band plus the other assorted activities that go with kids; and we are testing our marriage by doing a major rennovation/addition to our home. I used to try to do it all (HAH), volunteer at school, keep the house clean, make sure that I had everything memorized perfectly before the rest of the band and all the rest of the usual Mommy stuff. Now I try and look at things with the "will it matter in twenty years if I do or don't do this?" and "what's my priority" attitude. My husband jokes that women are more adaptable and used to multi-tasking. Maybe it's not really a joke? :eek:

Love2Drum
10-20-2004, 09:33 AM
and we are testing our marriage by doing a major rennovation/addition to our home Ooh, been down that road. Not as a married person, but as the kid. Ever see the movie "Money Pit"? It's exactly how it is.

My husband jokes that women are more adaptable and used to multi-tasking. Maybe it's not really a joke?I think women are better at multi-tasking, for sure. I think it is a biological fact that a man cannot sit in front of the tv and fold laundry at the same time. :)

I guess I don't understand why I can be on the phone with a band member talking band business while I'm cooking dinner and feeding the cat all at the same time, but ask a guy to put the dirty plate inside the dishwasher instead of the sink is too much :)

Right now, at my age, I feel like I can handle everything. As I get older, and if kids enter the scene, I'm sure that will all change and my priorities will change.

Mike Szarka
10-20-2004, 11:05 AM
Originally posted by Love2Drum:
I think it is a biological fact that a man cannot sit in front of the tv and fold laundry at the same time. :) But I can watch football while playing my practice chanter...

Mike

poweruser007
10-20-2004, 11:37 AM
Originally posted by Mike Szarka:
But I can watch football while playing my practice chanter...No you can't, I've heard you! :D

lonewlf4
10-20-2004, 11:51 AM
It's all about priorities Mike - and yours is NOT the laundry! :D Love2Drum; it's not a money pit at this point, but any property can turn you into a person of poverty! I'm just glad we moved our sleeping accommodations out of the tent trailer and into the basement before the nasty snow dump last Friday! :mad: Now, if I can just keep customers out of the store long enough for me to run through the medley or MSR . . .

Love2Drum
10-20-2004, 11:57 AM
Hey lonewlf,

We did a complete remodel, added a second story and gutted the kitchen, and lived in the house while doing it.

We woke up every morning to a group of men sitting in what was left of our kitchen having their McD's breakfast. Our new kitchen was a piece of tarp in a 5x5 square hanging from the ceiling. Gawd, I don't miss that!!

Mike, yah, hubbys very good at playing the pc in front of the football game too! In fact, he excels at it :wink:

piper2b
10-20-2004, 07:37 PM
NHL hockey games provided some of my best practice time in the first half of the year -- a game on the tv signalled "Practice!" to me. Now that the lock out is on, and life is so busy, it is hard to make myself sit still and practice!

Bashful
10-21-2004, 07:16 AM
I suppose that my biggest problem in being in a band and dealing with real life is not having enough time to practice. I do at least make an effort to practice for at least an hour everyday, but sometimes when I get assigned so many readings and such for homework, some days I just can't practice. :bleh:

But the thing that I find is that sometimes I sound better when I get to practice when I haven't practiced as much at home!?!? :lol: :lol: :lol:

Cat
10-31-2004, 10:05 AM
Hi All-

I'm also still in school...Junior at Westfield State College and the commitment issue is pretty big....MWF I have classes from 8:15-12:30, then field hockey practice usually 4-6 or 5-7....T/Th only 1 class, but again practice...Not to mention traveling to games...And on the weekends we have more games...Band practice is on Sundays, but it makes for a long week...Gotta love it though...Couldn't imagine what I'd be like if I wasn't busy all the time :lol: