PDA

View Full Version : Dilemna (on the horns thereof)


Margaret
11-07-2005, 07:20 PM
Am I a bad mom if I'd rather go to an ensemble workshop then take my sweet kids VW Bus camping in the (probably) rain? I sorta promised (kinda), but scheez, Andrew Scullion is doing the workshop.......

Margaret

Tommy P.
11-07-2005, 08:25 PM
No Margaret, you're NOT a bad mom!

One of the most important things your children will ever learn, is the fact that "life doesn't always go exactly your way".
You and I both know that somewhere along the way each of us must accept the fact that every now and then; our plans have to be changed for one reason or another, and have to learn to "deal" with it.

My suggestion, (from the what I thought was a "selfish" father of two boys...who have thanked him many times for the way he raised them),....is to give yourself an obviously well deserved break,...do what YOU want, and hope the children learn something from the experience.
:)

Airborne92
11-07-2005, 09:55 PM
Reschedule the camping trip and go to the workshop. Odds are the campsite will still be there. Tell the kids that camping in the rain is no fun (trust me, after 30 years in the Army I know whereof I speak) and they'll enjoy it more in good weather...uh, do they have good weather in Oregon? :wink:

SCK

Abdpiper
11-07-2005, 10:41 PM
I'm sure they would rather wait til there was more chance of it not raining and having everyone happy on the trip than go and get wet and cold for a couple of days with everyone being miserable.

The fact that you are thinking about not going to the workshop shows you're not a bad mum, cause one who wasn't as considerate would have just gone without a 2nd thought :)

Margaret
11-08-2005, 12:05 AM
The only catch to the camping part is that it's with a bunch of other semi-crazy VW bus folks (kind of an annual gathering thing), so I know we can certainly go camping any old time, even when it doesn't rain . But I really want to go to the workshop. To make matters worse (of course), it's also the Civil War game between Oregon State University and University of Oregon (my husband and I have a mixed marriage <<GRAEMLIN_URL>>/shocked.gif ). I need some sort of alternate universe to pack it all into.

Ah well, it will settle out in the end.

Margaret

Canalpiper
11-08-2005, 03:32 AM
IMHO
pipes and workshops will be around longer than your children, or for that matter VW busses.
Mike

Dick Sands
11-08-2005, 04:05 AM
Where in the world did the idea come from that our children are the center of the universe?? As a parent you owe it to them to teach them that the world does not revolve around them. No! You aren't a bad Mom if you do something for yourself that you want to do. Let's face it, breakfast in bed on Mother's Day is hardly a treat.
It's important to spend time with the family. It's also important to spend time on yourself. You aren't being selfish and you aren't denying your children anything if you spend some time doing what you want to do. They should be happy for you and will perhaps be relieved to have a weekend away from "the old battle axe". :thumb:

Colonel644
11-08-2005, 05:26 AM
Ya know when growing up if Mom or Gran said " I"m taking a break and doing something with out you!!!! " usually meant they needed to relax and get away from an overly rambunkous kid.

Not that I heard it often :thumb: )

Jan
11-08-2005, 05:34 AM
I think you have to consider which will keep you more sane:
1)going to the workshop and having your kids disappointed/crying/sulking or
2)taking your kids camping (with the inevitable crying/disappoinment/sulking)and missing the workshop that you really want to go to.

Is either the workshop or camping trip a "once in a lifetime opportunity"? If so I would go to that one. Are your children old enough to understand you if you explain that you really need to go to the workshop instead? Do you really need to go to the workshop instead? Have you spent lots of time with your kids recently, giving up other "mom time"?
There are lots of things to consider here and we on the forum can't answer the question for you of going to the workshop or camping .

There is nothing at all wrong in taking time for yourself to do what you want to do without the kids and/or hubby, so long as you also give them the time they need(notice I didn't say "want"). You do what you need to do to keep yourself healthy; physically and mentally.

Margaret
11-08-2005, 08:07 AM
Originally posted by Jan:
I think you have to consider which will keep you more sane:
1)going to the workshop and having your kids disappointed/crying/sulking or
2)taking your kids camping (with the inevitable crying/disappoinment/sulking)and missing the workshop that you really want to go to.

I had to laugh at this one this morning as I was waiting for the schoolbus with bickering kids (7 &amp; 9) in beautiful sunshine, but 32 degrees (F). They both were pestering each other, and the image of trying to keep them warm (if it's this cold in two weeks) in a 30 year old bus made the decision much easier. They're pretty good at entertaining themselves (we come from the old school that children don't need a parent to entertain them all the time, that's what books and an imagination are for), and would have a really good time, BUT, I rarely get a chance to do anything for myself, so workshop it is. They will get quality time with their dad (he travels during the week) that weekend.

Margaret

MacBubba
11-08-2005, 09:16 AM
From your short description of them, this "semi-crazy VW bus folks" group might be flexible. So why not let go of your dilemma (they get real cranky if you hold onto them too long, just like kids), take the bull by the horns, and convince your group to hold their "camping trip" (camping in a bus? What's that all about?) in the parking lot or on the grounds where the workshop is going to be held.

You get to do what you want, the campers get free entertainment, your kids are thoroughly embarassed, wild animals are scared away by all the noise of the workshop participants (except maybe moose, I think there was something about moose being attracted to a bagpipe in the Beer Tent a couple of years ago). Everybody wins (except either OU or OSU, but that's someone else's dilemma).

EquusRacer
11-08-2005, 09:58 AM
Just in case you need that last little push over the edge, Margaret: I'll buy you a beer at the Lucky Lab! :woohoo:

Jan
11-08-2005, 10:23 AM
They will get quality time with their dad (he travels during the week) that weekend.
Sounds like the perfect solution to me!

http://users.pandora.be/eforum/emoticons4u/happy/1074.gif

Margaret
11-08-2005, 10:39 AM
Originally posted by MacBubba:
(camping in a bus? What's that all about?) It's a very fun camping group that meets up all over the place to share in the goofy love of all things bus or vanagon.

WetWesties (http://www.wetwesties.org)

And yes Mike, I will definitely take you up on that beer!
Margaret

Kevin F. Gilstrap
11-08-2005, 10:42 AM
Originally posted by Margaret:
Am I a bad mom if I'd rather go to an ensemble workshop then take my sweet kids VW Bus camping in the (probably) rain?If you're going to have regrets for putting other things before family, it is almost always in the future.

I once did a band performance over being in a good friends wedding. That was over twenty years ago. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but I've come to regret the decision. That band is long gone and my friend is still my friend.

Tom_K
11-08-2005, 11:55 AM
A promise is a promise. No matter how weak a promise it was. Kid's remember these things. It may not seem like a big thing to you to break the promise but I guarantee it will be a big thing to the kids. It will also show them that when they promise to do something- they won't have to do it if something better comes along.

Dick Sands
11-08-2005, 12:27 PM
That's the spirit. Let's all lay some guilt on her......

EquusRacer
11-08-2005, 02:18 PM
"...And he washeth away the guilt with...Hawthorne Ale..."
Michael 11:7

Tommy P.
11-08-2005, 02:24 PM
Margaret, did you say "I promise"?

Margaret
11-08-2005, 02:45 PM
I'm not a blithering idiot, I casually mentioned it, no promising words were ever uttered!

Margaret

Tommy P.
11-08-2005, 02:53 PM
Well then there you go :wink: GO!...have fun!
At least that's what I'd do!

RosieJ
11-08-2005, 06:18 PM
Originally posted by Margaret:
I'm not a blithering idiot, I casually mentioned it, no promising words were ever uttered!

Margaret Sounds like you made the right decision! Heck, I wish MY dad spent the weekend with me doing fun stuff when I was a kid! He was always too busy; mom was always there instead. They'll have a blast with their pop, and just think, now they won't get sick because you took them camping in an old VW in the cold and damp! :lol:

Margaret
11-08-2005, 07:25 PM
Hey now, I love my old VeeDub, she is very cool.....

http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a212/Emilysowner/Dsc00164.jpg

RosieJ
11-08-2005, 08:45 PM
WOW, Margaret! How cool is that!? Your set up is awesome! :wow: :banana: :banana:

My bad; the COLD and RAIN would be the bad part, NOT the VW camper!

Margaret
11-08-2005, 10:43 PM
Yup, I'm rather attached to her :) . I bought her 24 years ago right out of high school (my first car ever)....

Margaret

Tartaniac
11-08-2005, 11:53 PM
Originally posted by Tartaniac:
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a212/Emilysowner/Dsc00164.jpg [/QB]</div></div>THIS CAN'T BE OREGON. I see sunlight. I see shadows! I know Oregon. I used to live there. This looks far too sunny.

Besides, I think Dick is onto something pretty important: "Where in the world did the idea come from that our children are the center of the universe?? As a parent you owe it to them to teach them that the world does not revolve around them."

If you play the pipes, we know you are creative enough and differentiated enough to help the kids discover that there is something they would rather do with their weekend than be with you.

Kids do what you do -- they copy. They don't do what you tell them to do. I'm sorry but I don't buy the post that changing plans THIS TIME will harm them irreparably for the rest of their lives. Doing it as a pattern...that's a bird of a different feather. That's hurtful. That's not something good to model.

Being an adult and teaching leadership AND what it means to be part of a Team is not bad. Sometimes being part of a Team means doing something for a single member of the team -- something special. Eventually, everyone gets special things and treats and events. Honor them all.

IMO

Stress over the big stuff. Were you able to feed them today? Did they have a bed to sleep in last night? Do they have a place to keep stuff and call home? Do they have clothes? Are you beating them? Are you a raging alcoholic? Did you just move up there from New Orleans because your house is now underwater? Are you doing what you can to nurture the children? Are you doing what you need to do to help yourself do all the above? Did you hug them and wipe snot of their smiling faces today?

One word: BALANCE.

Just an idea. :idea:

Canalpiper
11-09-2005, 03:31 AM
I would suggest posting the same "dilemma" on a VW camping forum, or even a parenting forum. the replies you get may be quite different.
if you've only posted this query on a piping forum, it may be that your only looking for answers that you want to hear.
if that's the case, you may have your answer.
it's like flipping a coin, heads is scotch, tails is bourbon. while it's in the air you silently say to yourself "I hope it's heads". You catch the coin, pocket it without looking, and order a scotch.
Mike

Margaret
11-09-2005, 08:00 AM
Confessions of a Slacker Mom by Muffy Mead-Ferro. One of the best books I've read recently on the whole new parenting perspective skew.

We grew up doing all the things my parents did (not the other way around), what did it get us? Sailing, skiing, mountain climbing, camping, fishing, pipe bands, highland dancing, a wierd affinity for murder mysteries, an ability to socialize with adults at a young age, a sense of humor, having people comment that my entire family all sound alike (how we phrase our jokes, how we laugh). Yes my parents slogged us around to a few things like swimming lessons, dance lessons, classes at the Portland Art Museum. And I now realize how much time they put into helping us become the adults we are today.

I'm keenly aware of the focus many parents have that the world revolves around their kids, and we have many fine examples of that philosophy around here too, like I know you all have :rolleyes: in your neck of the woods. My original post was meant lightheartedly, my kids will certainly survive not camping in the cold by our house, maybe they'y get some good cleaning out the stalls experience in addition to riding their horses. :)

Margaret

Trailing Drones
11-09-2005, 08:04 AM
Originally posted by Tomk135:
A promise is a promise. No matter how weak a promise it was. Kid's remember these things. It may not seem like a big thing to you to break the promise but I guarantee it will be a big thing to the kids. It will also show them that when they promise to do something- they won't have to do it if something better comes along. Wow!! Isn't it amazing that moms can do a million things for their kids...sacrifice YEARS of their lives, give up hobbies, spend enough time at their schools to equal a part-time job (the list is endless) with no thanks or gratitude...completely taken for granted, but try missing ONE camping trip, or go back on one promise and your kids are scarred for life! Give me a break!

Margaret
11-09-2005, 08:22 AM
Sheesh, the life we lead. It may all be for naught as I hadn't discussed the camping trip with the kids on the off chance that it might not happen, the "promise" was made in my head as we hadn't been able to camp much this summer with the group......at the rate we're going, we may not make it to anything out of sheer exhaustion, the list is currently for that day: 2 birthday parties, one camping trip, one football game, one ensemble workshop, and 2 invites to dinner parties......why aren't we this popular at any other time of the year? :humm: :)

Margaret

Bob Budesa
11-09-2005, 11:55 AM
Margaret/Mike -

Do you know if anyone is going to video-tape the session? I'm not sure if I can make it, but would certainly spill for a CD or tape of the session to review afterwards (and to share many times afterwards with others).

Just a thought (for both my dilemma and yours).

Bob

RosieJ
11-09-2005, 02:21 PM
Originally posted by Canalpiper:
I would suggest posting the same "dilemma" on a VW camping forum, or even a parenting forum. the replies you get may be quite different.
if you've only posted this query on a piping forum, it may be that your only looking for answers that you want to hear.
if that's the case, you may have your answer.
it's like flipping a coin, heads is scotch, tails is bourbon. while it's in the air you silently say to yourself "I hope it's heads". You catch the coin, pocket it without looking, and order a scotch.
Mike Nope, I doubt you'd get another answer on another forum, unless its a forum dedicated to parents doing only what their kids want to do.

As Tartaniac said, what other things have you done for your kids?!! They have to learn that lifes not always fair, and mom doesn't ignore all their needs, just SOMETIMES mom gets to do something for HERSELF!

EquusRacer
11-09-2005, 02:30 PM
Hi, Bob: These sessions are not normally taped, but I'm happy to ask on this particular one. This looks like a workshop which will be fairly well-attended.

Cheers, :hatoff: Michael