View Full Version : Blondine jokes
Åge Jonny Jørgensen
03-27-2006, 10:43 PM
Have you heard about the blonde who got twins, so she went to town to find the other father.
Or what about the blonde who was ironing when the telephone rang. She forgot it wasn't the telephone that she had in the hand, so she lifted the iron to the ear and burned it.
When the doctor was consulted he said: "But you have burn marks on both ears!" She answered: "Well, I did have to the doctor, didn't I?"
03-27-2006, 11:51 PM
Ohh I know a lot of blonde jokes, only 97% are not fit to be cited in a public forum.
Do you know why blonde women have bruises around their navels?
Because blond men are even more stupid.
BTW. I'm blond, what does that make me ?
03-28-2006, 12:35 AM
Two blonds are walking through the woods when one suddenly says "Oh a dead bird! How sad!"
The other blond then looks up and asks "Where, where?"
03-28-2006, 01:49 AM
As a blonde, I have even been a member of the Dutch Dumb Blonde Club, where we actually collected these jokes. So there aren't that many I DON'T know.
SHE WAS SO BLONDE, THAT...
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She tripped over the cordless phone.
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
She told someone to meet her at the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk".
She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
At the bottom of the application where is says "Sign here", she wrote Sagittarius.
If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved.
She got an AM radio. It took her 9 months to figure out that she could use it at night.
When she saw the sign in front of the YMCA, she said, "Look! They spelled Macy's wrong!".
She stood staring at the frozen orange juice because it said "Concentrate".
And if you're in to more dumb blonde jokes, try these: http://www.dumb-blonde-jokes.net/
03-28-2006, 02:23 AM
Actually there are only 6 Blonde jokes. All of the rest are true stories!!! :woohoo:
03-28-2006, 03:34 AM
Yeah, sure and I am... (see image):
:D :D :D :D :D
03-28-2006, 03:47 AM
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were in the waiting room at their obstetrician's office. A conversation struck up among the women about their predictions for the sex of their unborn children. The redhead says, "I hear the sex of the child is determined by the position during conception. I must be having a girl since I was on top." The brunette replies, "Well, I guess It's a little boy for me,then." The blonde sits silent for a few moments, then curls up in the floor with her head in her hands, bawling. The two other women are desperately trying to console her and one asks, "What's wrong!?" The blonde looks up through her tears and says, sobbing, "I, I, I'm gonna have PUPPIES!" :p
03-28-2006, 01:11 PM
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were on the run from the police when they see a barn and decide to hide in there. Upon entering the barn they see three empty burlap sacs and each hide in one. The police aren't far behind them and see them go into the barn.
After looking around for a little bit, the police see the three sacs. One officer goes over to the first sac, in which the redhead was hiding, and kicks it.
The redhead inside went "meow!" and the officer felt really bad for kicking a poor kitty.
He then goes to the second sac, in which the brunette was hiding, and kicks it. The brunette inside went "woof!" and the officer felt really bad for kicking a poor puppy.
He then goes to the third sac, in which the blonde was hiding, and kicks it. Catching on, the blonde thought to herself What else would someone find in a burlap sac?
03-28-2006, 01:40 PM
A young brunette male walks into a bar early one evening. He approaches the taps and takes a seat at a stool. He then looks up at the bartenter and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bartender then replies, "Hey...buddy. If you didn't notice, -IM- a blonde, the waitress over there is a blonde, the guy in the corner "pumping iron" is blonde, and the big drunk at the end of the counter is a blonde."
The brunette male then simply replies, "Oh, nevermind then. I don't want to have to explain it four different times."
03-28-2006, 04:30 PM
A blonde is driving through the rolling Kansas wheat fields in her convertible when she spies something in the middle of the field off to her left. As she gets closer she can make out that it's another blonde in a rowboat, paddling for all she's worth. This infuriates the blonde driver and she slams on the brakes, sliding the car sideways to a screeching halt. She jumps out of the car, runs to the side of the road and screams "It's because of idiots like YOU that give the rest of us blondes the reputation of being dumb! How damn stupid is it to be sitting in a rowboat in the middle of a wheat field just rowin' away!! You know, if I could swim I'd come out there and beat your ass!!"
03-28-2006, 08:17 PM
A blonde was running low on cash, so she decided to go around the neighborhood asking for odd jobs to do. One morning after breakfast she rang the bell of a nice-looking house and waited until the husband answered the door. She told him what she wanted.
"Sure," the man replied. "I've been planning to paint our porch but I haven't gotten around to it yet. The job's yours, if you'd be willing to do it for $50."
"It's a deal," the blonde said.
The homeowner, realizing he'd made a great deal, got the paint and brushes from his garage, gave them to the blonde and went into the house to tell his wife.
"Do you think she realizes that porch goes all the way around the side of the house?" his wife asked.
"I don't see why not," the man said. "I think she just really needs the money."
His wife sighed. "Maybe you're right. I've just been listening to too many dumb blonde jokes."
The man and his wife sat down to finish their morning coffee. They'd almost finished the pot and the morning paper when the blonde knocked on the back door. The wife invited her into the kitchen.
"I'm finished," the blonde told the husband, "but you sure had a lot of paint there. There was so much I gave it a second coat."
"Wow! That's great," the husband said, and beamed as he handed her the $50.
Delighted, the blonde pocketed the money. Closing the screen door behind her, she turned back with a cheerful smile.
"You have a great day now. Oh, and by the way? It's not a porch. It's a Lexus."
03-28-2006, 08:29 PM
What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A lot of people have never been on a 747.
03-29-2006, 07:10 AM
forgive me if youve heard them:
1.)What's the least used sentence in the english language?
"Is that the Bagpiper's porsche?"
>Worlds only smart blonde joke<
2.) Blonde walks into chase manhattan bank and asks the manager for a $5000 loan. "OK", he says, "I'll need id, etc, -what do you have for collateral?"
"That's my stretch limo outside". + she plops the keys down on the desk.
SO the manager gets someone to pull it around the back + park it, he locks the keys up, writes out the loan + hands the blonde her $5000.
"Thanks ,Hon" she says + walks out.
Ten days later, she walks into the bank, plops down the $5000 , plus $500 in interest.
"Hi sweetie" she says to the manager, ' Can I have my car back?'
"Of course", so he gets the limo pulled around front + hands her the keys.
"See ya" she says and heading for the door, the bewildered manager goes after her,'Ma'am" , I just have to know...what are you trying to pull here?"
"Silly!" scolds the blonde.
"Where else in Manhattan can I park my limo for ten days for 500 bucks?!?"